Wednesday, November 24, 2010

BREAKING POINT

As you may have guessed by now, I do not have the film finished.

I'm taking a break until after the first of the year.

I will admit, though, I really do need a break.  If you know me personally you know the truth of that statement.

If you know me personally, you also know how hard I resisted fought the very idea.

I spent the spring and summer researching and writing about biblical genealogies and a national radio show.  The amount of detail involved, the complete dissimilarity of subjects and writing styles, combined with creating characters on a level I never before attempted was daunting to say the least.  I was so involved in these projects I got a little stuck in my head.  A mental fog slowly and imperceptibly descended and lingered.  Even after the scripts were finished I pushed ahead into post-production on the film.  

I never really got my head back after those projects until last week, when I finally committed surrendered to a complete break until January.

Once I gained a little clarity and perspective I wondered, WHY have I been pushing so hard to complete this film?

One reason is that I have another writing/directing/acting project that begins after the first of the year, along with Ladies' Day and women's ministry responsibilities kicking into higher gears.  Having the film unfinished means I won't be able to give them as much attention as they need.

Another is that it would be nice to actually finish something and have it STAY FINISHED.  The vast majority of things I do on a daily basis are things that have to be done over and over.  There is always another meal to fix, another load of laundry to wash,another spot to clean, another drop off and pick up, another message to answer.  Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.  Ad nauseum.  Once the film is release it is D.O.N.E. -- DONE.

And, quite frankly, I am excited to see what happens when it is finally released.  I'm interested to hear what people say, both good and bad.  I want to see how others are blessed because God is working through the five loaves and two fish He gave me. 

But what it really boils down to is that I want it done because I want it done.  The problem is I never really asked The One Who Commissioned The Film In The First Place when HE wants it done.

I consulted my calendar instead of my Creator. 

Lesson learned.

However, my friends, there is no need to fear.  I still have a zillion other lessons to learn.  I'm sure, if you're still interested by then, I'll share them with you.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Why You're Reading a Blog Post Instead of Watching a Film

No, you haven't missed anything.

But I have.

I missed my November 1 self-imposed deadline for finishing "Who Does He Think He Is?"

Sometimes things are just simply out of your hands. 

For each step I've completed, three more have surfaced.  Aspects I thought would be fairly quick and easy have turned out to be time-consuming and difficult.

I continue to battle the lighting issue nearly daily.  Each time I figure out a different way to "correct" the problem I then have to go back to the other scenes and try it there.  I KNOW it will NEVER be perfect, but I'm really trying to get it as close as I can so it is not distracting. 

Also, it's not like I have eight hours a day to devote to this.

The silver lining (I'm choosing to call it that) has been that the script I co-wrote for our church's Christmas program has been shelved until next year.  Bummer for me emotionally, but again, it's due to circumstances beyond my control.  I was also part of the cast, so the cancellation means no rehearsals for me.  That has freed up quite a bit of time I wasn't planning on having.

My new goal is to have it finished before Thanksgiving.  I don't know that a "release date" at this time of year is a wise idea, but we'll see.  If I don't finish by then I'll have to shelve it all until after the first of the year.
 
In all of this I continue to pray The Prayer That Never Fails, "God's Will Be Done."  Talk about circumstances beyond my control...God's will is ALWAYS beyond my control.

The only thing I can control about it is my attitude.  Right now I'm on a much needed "forced vacation" and it's doing me a world of good.  I have been ridiculously stressed and aggravated about this missed deadline and about the fact that it will continue to cut into my family's time and preparation for the holidays. 

BELIEVE ME, you WILL know when  "Who Does He Think He Is?" is available to watch, online or on DVD.

Thanks for being patient with me.  :)